War can be a brutal experience that tries the souls of the strongest men. So it is that we here at the Arabian Facebuster Command Bunker seek spiritual solace in whatever paltry shreds of levity cross our paths. In particular, the boys in the trenches have taken a keen (and possibly unhealthy) interest in the outcome of this year's WWE Diva Search.
We were keenly disappointed to see the young lady at the top of the post (whose name is... Lynnsie? Kynnsie? Leynsie? Some goddamn thing.) receive her walking papers, as we thought she had all the qualities needed to make a truly top-tier WWE Diva. To wit:
As you can see, she was an early favorite. Alas, even our patented Facebuster Prognostication Methods can fail in the face of current market realities. Regardless, we urge our readers to keep the flame of hope a'burning. The fellows down at the OTB have assured us that they are still accepting wagers, so there is still time to roll your bet over to THIS lovely (and talented) young lady and recoup your losses:
Facebuster Nation, I give you Jessica Hatch. She attended Galveston Junior College on a Volleyball Scholarship (of course), is majoring in Kinesiology (which she can spell), and works at "fit gym" in River Oaks, where she hopes to
someday build a large "clinetal" (it appears she had some help with "Kinesiology"). She is super talented (and lovely), is a big fan of Jesus Christ, and has that special something that all great WWE Divas possess:If Jessica doesn't seem like a winner to you, don't panic, 'cos I have got a grade-a pure gold lead-pipe CINCH of a Diva for you. The drum roll really should have started three paragraphs ago, because that's how excited we are about this next hot young (lovely, talented) prospect:
Awww, yeeeaahhh. Eve Torres, ladies and gentlemen! Now THAT is a Diva-to-be! Eve is an LA-based actress/model/dancer. Wow! A triple slashie! She's lovely, talented, and is currently working as a "spirit dancer" for the LA Clippers, but hopef
ully that will clear up real soon. She is a strong advocate for women of color pursuing higher education (just look what it's done for her!), and her many fan web sites tout her "unique look". I know, right, tell me about it:There they are, fans. The Arabian Facebuster picks for Diva Search 2007. I'm sure the entire staff joins me in wishing one of these ladies all the best in her dazzling new career. Hopefully she will enjoy all the stunning perks of Diva-dom, such as shaking her tits before ECW dark matches and having her gym bag crapped in by Randy Orton.
Thank you and goodnight.
3 comments:
What's wrong that blond girl's shoulder? Did she dislocate it in some sort of backstage altercation with The Glam-a-zon Beth Phoenix?
Those are called the "withers." You measure her height from the ground to that point. High withers are undesirable because they make it hard to fit a saddle, and low withers (called "mutton" withers)don't provide enough of a ridge to keep the saddle in place.
Aspirant diva Eve Torres' chin could (I mean should) be used to sharpen a dull pairing knife.
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