15 Years and 2,500 Beers Later...

This Monday, WWE's flagship program "Monday Night RAW" celebrates its fifteenth anniversary. Fifteen years of poorly thought out storylines and hastily conceived angles bafflingly green lighted onto television. Fifteen years of long winded, crowd energy sapping promos. Fifteen years of wrestling matches with regular commercial interruption. Fifteen years of utterly worthless and forgettable characters that are, paradoxically, also infuriatingly unforgettable. Fifteen years of concurrently objectifying and degrading women, or as NBA Hall of Famer Isiah Thomas and I like to refer to them as, "juicy titted nut gobblers." Fifteen years of ring introductions that take longer than the actual match. Fifteen years of consistently mailing it in inside the squared circle. Fifteen years of Vince McMahon using the broadcast as a vehicle for his own inflating his own ego, self-perpetuating an aura of eminence, and compensating for his own fallibilities and limitations.

To commemorate this milestone, the WWE is bringing back most of its biggest and brightest superstars from the RAW era....America's favorite beer swilling wife beater "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, unfit parent and all around glory hog Hulk Hogan, Mick Foley, a one-night reunion of Evolution, the trite dysfunctionality of the McMahon family, Eric Bischoff, Trish Stratus, Lita, Bob Holly for one night only resurrecting the character that launched his career into the stratosphere -- Sparky Plug, Truth Commission members Kurrgan and Rekon (or will it be Kurrgan and Sniper!?), Headbanger Mosh, Mae Young performing unspeakable acts on the mummified corpse of The Fabulous Moolah, Headbanger Thrasher, TL Hopper, Duke "The Dumpster" Drosse, Disciples of Apocalypse members Skull and 8-Ball, an Oddities reunion necessitating Kurrgan to pull double duty and featuring Big Daddy V dawning the "Golga" mask worn by the late John Tenta, the Portuguese Man O'War Aldo Montoya, Salvatore Sincere, The Sultan, Farouq in his turquoise gladiator regalia, Todd Pettengill, and of course the one, the only, Naked Mideon (the heavily tattooed, patchily tanned, white trash speed freak pictured above).

So from all of us at Arabian Facebuster, Happy 15th Anniversary WWE Monday Night RAW! Oh, and after 15 years, we want out...we're sick and tired of putting up with all of your lies, self-delusions, broken promises, unfulfilled expectations, and all around bullshit. Is this a bad time to tell you?

Yeah, we thought so.