Friday, September 22, 2006

Hope Springs Eternal

At the risk of overhyping this crippled, lumbering mass of hair dye and flannel, I must once again urge the readers of Arabian Facebuster to consider: Raven. The reason I have to shell out my hard-earned lucre for another goddamn PPV.

My attitude towards the upcoming TNA "No Surrender" Pay-Per-View could be charitably described as chilly. Disinterested. Totes Whatevs. TNA is clearly saving its full attention for "Bound For Glory" next month, leading the informed wrestling fan to conclude that "Surrender" will be a mere placeholder, marking time until the electrifying thrill-fest that is the biggest low-rent wrestling event of the year.

Then, curse them, the TNA booking masterminds started piling on the quality. The LAX/Styles/Daniels feud has provided that much-sought-after "next level of violence" your correspondent craves. Samoa Joe has promised to literally murder Jeff Jarrett. And the Christian Cage/Rhino matchup should be really adequate.

And, innocuously slipped into the undercard, we have Raven vs. The Monster Abyss vs. Brother Runt. Three men. Four knees. No Disqualifications. There's your match of the evening, right fucking there. I cannot for the life of me imagine why TNA is not sinking more hype into this bloodbath. Raven and Runt have more than proven that they are willing to drop a few pints for the cause, and Abyss is basically Kane if you replaced his "personality" with an actual work rate. I'm genuinely surprised TNA isn't saving this feast for next month's BIG DEAL show. I guess this is just the sort of effusive generosity Total Non-stop Action wrestling is known for.

I wish I could look away. I really do. I have things to do on Sunday. But here's Raven, and here's Abyss and Spike Dudley, and here's me buying the stupid Pay-Per-View.


Malibu Sands said...

When I first read the title of your post, I thought you would be penning a tribute to TNA for bringing in Kurt Angle!

I have been slacking the past month with my Impact Zone viewing. After reading last night's "big surprise" (when has annoucement that will "change the face of professional wrestling forever" ever get payed off properly), I am recommitting myself to the only federation crazy enough to compete in a six sided ring.

Apollo Spas said...

Re: Kurt Angle.

On th' one hand, there's Shane Douglas, who managed to kick his pill habit with the full blessing and aid of TNA upper management.

On t'other, there's Jeff Hardy, who stayed so screwed up he couldn't even stagger over to a pay-per-view being held ACROSS THE STREET.

Here's hoping Kurt gets off the pills and gets Samoa Joe to give us the classic match we all know he has in him.