There was much to despise about Tuesday night's cavalcade of mundaneness more commonly referred to by its surname, the ECW on Sci-Fi . This would include Edge Version 1.5 (or if you prefer, Shawn Michaels Version 0.8) aka Johnny Nitro paying off the WWE's patented main event interview segment with a freaking name change, CM Punk going over Elijah Burke for the umpteenth time in a heatless match, the directionless Tommy Dreamer doing the job to the equally directionless and ten times less talented or credible Kevin Thorn, the macarena and jazz hands stylings of Kelly Kelly and the rest of the new Nitro Girls on display, and the Miz actually appearing on my television screen instead of honoring a prior commitment to brutally torture some dastardly Al Qaeda operatives (or innocent foreign nationals) at Guantanamo Bay by forcing them to watch a tape of every single one of his matches (the Miz might be a son-of-a-bitch, but god damnit, he's our son-of-a-bitch).Mercifully, in this vast ocean of tedium, I spotted a life preserver...an out of shape, morbidly obese, heavily tattooed, dark as night skinned life preserver. I would of course be referring to Big Daddy V, the latest sports entertainment incarnation created for Nelson Frazier, Jr, the man formerly known at Mabel and Viscera and soon to be known as Big Gay Viscera. The naysayers and playa' haters out there undoubtedly remain convinced that this name and costume change are nothing more than a facile and myopic repackaging of performer who should have been put out to pasture a long time ago. But let me assure them and all of you that this ain't your deadbeat daddy's Viscera. Big Daddy V is chic yet timeless, electrifying yet grounded, feared yet respected, prophetic yet meticulous, outrageous yet earnest. The ladies want him and the fellas want to be him. He's the ideal to which man should aspire. Hell, he's even incorporated a devastating looking elbow smash into his wrestling repertoire!
Who is this Big Daddy V? What motivates him? And what compelled him to come to the sports entertainment wasteland that is ECW? Based on the name alone, you would think that Big Daddy V would be content working as the Assistant Manager at a soul food restaurant or financing the production of pornographic videos filmed in his basement instead of physically dissecting meth addicted, dirty 'stached, trailer trash jobbers like the one pictured above. And based solely on his physique, you would assume that Big Daddy V would be preoccupied with getting breast reduction and/or gastric bypass surgery or competing in a Randy Jackson look-a-like contest rather than moving around a ring at a glacial yet somehow still arduous pace. However, you'd be wrong on both counts. For Big Daddy V is in the E-C-Dub for one reason and one reason only, to aid Matt Stryker in his quest to rid the brand of the enigmatic Boogeyman while providing some much needed time/content filler for Tuesday evening's marathon 60 minute broadcast, 38 of which are without any commercial interruption whatsoever.
Alright fine, two reasons.
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