Diamond Dallas Page: Hater.

In recent and fairly bizarre news, overrated has-been Diamond Dallas Page has filed a lawsuit against overrated still-is (apparently) Jay-Z, in which DDP claims that th' Jigga-man is stealing his patented "Diamond Cutter" symbol to promote the Roc-a-wear clothing line. We here at Arabian Facebuster would like to help you, the discerning wrestling fan, cut through all the legalese and get to the heart of the matter:

This lawsuit is preposterous.

If DDP (who has been hanging out in South Africa with Wesley Snipes, helping Blade with his tax dodge/motion picture Gallowwalker) thinks he's the first person in the history of history to realize that putting your thumbs and index fingers together makes a diamond, he's retarded. Furthermore, I cannot for the life of me fathom how either one of these gentlemen (?) can claim to have made one thin dime off of this ridiculous bit of hand-puppetry. This is just another one of those much-maligned frivolous lawsuits that are cluttering our nation's courts. Lock 'em both up, that's what I say. DDP was worse than useless even when he was stinking up WCW rings on a regular basis, and Jay-Z is possibly the most overrated MC of all time (and, according to some, a "lying cocksmoker" to boot).

Further, DDP should watch out for lawsuits himself. A character in his new movie is named (oddly enough) "Fabulos," which this fellow might find rather actionable. This assumes, of course, that none of the parties involved can spell (and let's be real here: they can't).