Tuesday, August 04, 2009

The Origins of Michael Hayes' Racism Revealed

Here at Arabian Facebuster, we bear witness to the transformative power of professional rasslin'. Why we've gazed with baffled wonderment at Mike Adamle's evolution from competent if undistinguished sportscaster and American Gladiators inquisitor to incompetent bumbling doofus, #1 Jest Harvey fan, and the trigger for yours truly Malibu Sands to get hallucinatorily drunk on Riunite whilst methodically bashing my testicles with a ball pein hammer. We've watched Randy Orton progress from the toilet bowl to the gym bag as his preferred vessel for bowel evacuation. We've seen da Facebuster's prodigal degenerate Larry Nelson go from tuxedo clad, stinking drunk, and high on cocaine to plain ol' stinking drunk. And we've marveled at Sean "X-Pac" Waltman as he's regressed from dynamic and innovative light heavyweight to an unmotivated, substance abusing Bronco Bustering vortex of suck, crotch chops, and apathetically and languorously delivered cunnilingus on genitalia akin to lamb's tongue in terms of its texture and odor.

Take current Smackdown! head writer, one time Doc Hendrix, and longtime Fabulous Freebird Michael P.S. Hayes as yet another case in point. At one time, Hayes was a crowd heat getting machine, plausible in-ring performer, southern redneck shit-kickin' posse mouthpiece, and self-professed hottie seduction magnet with a head full of long (if a bit coarse and stringy) dirty blond locks. Fast forward to 2008/2009, the heat generating, babyface instigating, grappling, posse ringleading, and non-fat chick seducing abilities and opportunities have vanished; what remains are some pretty haggard and mangy looking follicles and an identity/difference orientation that occupies the space between callous insensitivity and seething contempt towards those of darker complexion.

What then are the origins of Hayes' giddiness to drop epithets (or as linguistic anthropologists refer to them as , N-Bombs) within earshot of the likes of Mark "Worst 1o Year Contract Signing Ever" Henry and Bobby "Guy" Lashley...WWE superstars that for as much as they suck the proverbial hairy, misshapen, shriveled, discolored, lopsided, communicably diseased ball sack in the ring could most certainly reign down a flurry of legitimately injurious and disfiguring blows when affronted?

Growing up in a bigoted household and within a broader context of institutionalized racial segregation in the 1960s American Deep South?

Misappropriated resentment to the redlining of Bad Street USA?

An incongruent critique to the call by many in the African American community for reparations?

Leave it to Arabian Facebuster's Sexy Action I-Team to uncover and reveal to you all the TRUTH! While having nothing to do with a particularly cantankerous interaction with mush mouthed hip and/or hopper and flip and/or flopper Ron Killings, Michael Hayes' prejudiced outbursts can be traced to the humiliating rejection he suffered literally at the hands of a beautiful, confident African American woman - Dark Journey, who in my humble yet learned opinion was the best looking of all of the 1980s valets. This quarrel emanates from Bill Watts' hoss-centric Universal Wrestling Federation, circa 1986.

So what are you waiting for, go ahead and take a gander at the clip above and see the genesis of this man's crude intolerance firsthand!!!

On, second thought, it could have been from wearing Confederate flag trunks, sequined robes, and face paint over the course of three decades...



The Rev. von Fury said...

I had to look at the lamb's tongue, I just had to look at the lamb's tongue....unghhhh, now I know just how the Geek felt....

Pencil Neck Geek said...

Dammit! My sound card is still messed up. Oh well, the chugging Lynyrd Skynyrd riffs eminating from my whiskey tango neighbor's IROC-Z seem to be providing an appropriate soundtrack.

The lamb's tongue has to be the most disturbing thing ever featured on this site... and I am counting the Greg Gagne boot camp clip!